My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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