i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
