I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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