Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's blow job season.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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