Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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