i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
