I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
