..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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