I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This beer is not sobering me up at all
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
