one two three fourrrrnication!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
