i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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