WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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