i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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