my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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