i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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