i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
