he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
