Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
