Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
