Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
