I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
