Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
