I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
