Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
