Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
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Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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