goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
