yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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