I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
