This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
