So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
