Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
