dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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