I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
