just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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