Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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