i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
