well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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