she woke up with a sticky ear
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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