3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I want a musical about memes.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm bleeding and have questions
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
