My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
