id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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