well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
