i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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