I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
