It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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