he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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