Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he wants to bone in the snuggie
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my shit smells like andre
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
