I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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