he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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