You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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