he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
