after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
