Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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