as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
