after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
