Nicole vs. Life
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
