Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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