Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
