I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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