Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
