Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
