my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize