i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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