I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
