My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
