You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
