Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
