ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Still dying that you shit outside
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
